I’m not going to lie– I’ve been on the struggle bus lately.
It’s hard to put succinctly into words what I’ve been going through in past weeks, but I think I’ve finally pinpointed where my uncomfortableness (is that even a word?) stems from: my lifelong struggle with perfection.
I won’t delve too deeply into the origins of my obsession with perfection– I mean, this ISN’T a therapy session for pete’s sake– but I will say that I’ve spent my entire life striving to excel (and over excel) at everything I put my mind to. I’m a control freak, high strung, perfectionist, Type A personality, “I’ll do it myself,” “nothing is ever good enough” breed of person. I work myself into a tizzy– often times temper tantrums included– to achieve perfection.
Trust me, I’ve got issues.
Now, for the first time in my life, nearly EVERY part of my life is in shambles; my mere existence is the antithesis of perfection. Name any number of things that are important in one’s life– finances, relationships, career, family– and I’ve royally messed every one of them up. I’m always a day late and a dollar short.
Lately I’ve let this overwhelming sense of failure really get to me. It’s been a lot of “I can’t even” moments in the least jokingly way possible… “I can’t even handle this stress right now…” “I can’t even do anything right…” “I can’t even get out of bed today” (I was sick with a nasty head cold amongst all this)…So on and so forth.
It has been quite the un-fabulous pity party I’ve been throwing myself and no amount of pug love from Chloe Bisou could pull me out of it. The worst part? I wasn’t even wearing my best pity party dress.
BUT… This week, the tide has changed, and I’ve decided to wake the h- up and get over it. Because striving for perfection is causing paralysis to my creativity, my growth, and my overall journey.
YES, I am painfully mediocre but that’s okay. Could I could be doing a thousand things in my life a thousand times BETTER? You bet, but I can’t keep stopping at the side of the road to punch myself in the face about it. Cue cliche statement: no one is perfect, so why the heck do I keep insisting that I should be?
And so, wearing a shirt that says “San Diego’s Hautest Mess” couldn’t come at a more appropriate time. Because I’m not going to “fake it til’ I make it” anymore; I am embracing–and openly admitting to the world– that I’m a haute mess and proud of it.
Regardless of being a self professed mess, I’m the haute mess who’ll continue to pick herself up by the stilettos and get back to the hustle and grind. I’m the haute mess that’ll whip on that red lipstick and keep bravely smiling. And I’m the haute mess that underneath it all, still loves and respects herself…with a little help from her delectable puggies, of course.
AND just in case you’re wondering, we will be back with more Outfits Of The Week in our Stylish Bisou Etsy beginning June 6th. In the meantime, we are catching up with our current orders and taking custom dresses, button-up shirts, and reversible bandana orders. Feel free to contact us if you need anything custom!
Heather: Kill ‘Em With Chic T-shirt.
Slim fit pants, H&M.
Black duster jacket, H&M.
Pom Heels, DIY, inspired by A Life Less Ordinary.
Sunglasses, Urban Outfitters.
Chloe Bisou and Gooey: Reversible bandanas, The Stylish Bisou Couture on Etsy.